Resnarks

It’s okay, I don’t have ‘deep’ dreams, either. I have this recurring one that the baby is a hamster.

“

—	Mrs W, my pregnant Comparative Religions teacher

ryanselvy:

I’m in a box!

Better than I’m on a boat. I just cried I laughed so hard.

WIN.

“I’m the best kept secret since Anne Frank’s Diary!”

(posted with tweetshots.com)

thedailywhat:

Steven Anderson: “The Element of Surprise”

Attributes: Refuses to bond with Piratium; invisible.

[more.]

Her dragon screwed the pooch.

“

—	I don’t remember who said it, but we were watching Mulan

We taught the new newspaper kids how to sharpen their interviewing skills, this was the result

1: So all we figured out was that she consumed something her parents wouldn't be proud of.

2: Like fun dip?

whaleawhere:

Lol so hard.

This is so utterly ridiculous. I don’t know why it made me laugh so hard but it did.

If you’re gonna watch someone have sex, they at least better be attractive. Or famous. Or interesting. Like Jimmy Carter.

“

—

José

Reasons I Love It When My Big Brother Is Home, #29

Shannon: When I heard "Your Ex Lover is Dead" for the first time, I got fucking goosebumps.
Mike: FUCKING goosebumps? Ew.
Mike: Girl and boy goosebumps, just rubbing themselves together?
Shannon: It was a goosebump orgy all over my arm. It was very weird.
Mike: And then some zits popped.